Why is it that when the Devil can’t make you bad, or more busy, he goes for your heart with fear? I knew that when I decided to stop taking weddings in February that the stability in my life would disappear, I mean, when you book out 35 weddings by the end of January you know that you will have a steady income for the rest of the year, but now that security has vanished… forever. It’s almost like seeing an army of fears marching towards me and knowing that it will eventually reach me, let’s say around November when I only have 1 wedding left for the entire year.
Will I really succeed?
Will we run out of money and have to get emergency jobs at McDonalds?
I don’t even have a degree, so can I even work anywhere else besides McDonalds?
Will anyone really book me for kid or family sessions when we move?
These are the fears that are looming over my head right now. I know that the Lord told me to quit taking weddings, and the doors to Oklahoma have swung wide open, and I know that we will grow in our marriage like we never have before, so why am I so afraid? Fear is scary. I watched Apocalypto the other day with some friends and the entire movie was about overcoming fear. I really want to overcome it.
Let me remind myself, and tell you, of something that happened to us when I was a sophomore in high school. My parents were $800 behind for the month and I never heard my parents argue, but I did remember hearing my mom fret about this extra money a few times. The next day we received a turkey, you know, one of those frozen ones that everyone gets as a gift around Thanksgiving, and when my mom decided to cook it the next night she opened up the gizzards and found $800 cash in a baggie inside the Turkey. This is the God I serve. He will bring you to the brink of failure and then show you that ONLY HE can provide and rescue us. God will provide for me. He may not give me a fancy new car, or $500 shopping spree at ZGallerie, but He will provide for our needs. My favorite verse is Matthew 6:33, But seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things (food, clothing, shelter as mentioned in the verse before) will be given unto you. I have always “believed” this verse, but never have had to walk it out on my own. The Lord has blessed Josh and I so much in our first 5 years of marriage and now I believe He is going to refine us, put us through trials to where all fear is gone and all that is left is faith and trust. So please pray for me that we will walk faithfully in the new road that the Lord has called us to. Your thoughts?
